Yesterday I was online on the google mail and since I’m now using firefox I can chat with friends. I chatted with Ryan and asked him (predictably) if the Wednesday Night Small Group was meeting this week. I say predictably, because everytime I go to Wednesday Night small group I ask Ryan first if it is meeting that week and where. I do this, as I explained to Ryan, because one time Heather and I showed up at what we thought was Wednesday Night small group, but because we missed the week before we didn’t know that small group had changed up plans for the next week. But we didn’t know many people very well yet, at least not well enough to have anybody’s cell phone number. So we waited for a while, out in the car.

Now I ask if I missed the week before. I missed the week before because I was taking in my second viewing of ‘No Country For Old Men’ with Dustin. So yesterday I asked and was informed that yes, Wednesday Night small group was meeting this week.

At about 6:30 I got in my car and left work. I arrived at the house designated for Wednesday Night small group but there were no cars parked in the driveway or on the street. I panicked and called Brandon.

Brandon informed me that yes, Wednesday Night small group was meeting this week but not tonight, because it was Tuesday and not Wednesday.

I don’t know at what point in the day I became convinced it was Wednesday. I am forgetting things. A lot is going on.

On Friday I was finishing my show. I was running short on time. The show needed to start playing on the satellite feed at 1:10pm. It was 12:41pm. The total running time of the show is 28:22. I went to the record deck and it was in use. A fellow employee was taping a segment of Jerry Jones on some tv show that Jerry dropped on us at the last minute (as per usual). He told me to wait three minutes. I told him I could not and I needed the deck more than he did. He disagreed and copped an attitude. I shoved past him, ejected his tape and threw it on the other side of the room. I believe I made some choice remarks about him and about Jerry Jones as I did this. Then I recorded my show, and it made the satellite feed at 1:09:49.

After this episode and the lack of support I received from my colleagues I made the decision to leave the Dallas Cowboys. I would give my notice on Monday.

I went home, took a nap, and woke up to go to Brandon and Rozie’s Pulp Fiction watching party. Beer, burgers, friends, Pulp Fiction. I forgot all about quitting for a while watching the movie. Around the time Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace talked about uncomfortable silences I realized HOLY CRAP I’M QUITTING ON MONDAY!!! I felt dread.

Then Mia goes to the bathroom to do some cocaine, Vincent waits for her and asks her about Tony Rocky Horror when she gets back, Fake Ed Sullivan announces the World Famous Jack Rabbit Slims Twist Contest, and they go onstage and dance.

At this time I got a phone call and saw that it was my mom, but I silenced it. A minute later I looked back at my phone and the time was something like 10:40, which seemed late for her to be calling. It felt like something was wrong. I excused myself from the movie and went to Brandon and Rozie’s office to listen to my mom’s message and she was crying.

My dad was in India, which I kinda knew he was going there some time this year but didn’t know when. He was teaching at a mission, and had some type of stroke. When I talked to Mom she sounded better and informed me what was going on. It was your usual confusion when something like this happens, except compounded by the fact it was in India and we weren’t.

On Saturday I talked to Dad and he sounded weird and not himself. At the time we were trying to convince him to listen to his doctors and stay extra days in the hospital. He wanted to leave immediately, sounding stubborn and tired. After hanging up I broke down a little bit. Mom and I then talked on the phone and we both tried to comfort each other.

Sunday morning I learned that Dad was doing better and was accepting his condition. He sounded better on the phone and we talked for a few minutes about the Suns and why are they sucking lately.

On Monday I put in my two weeks and on Tuesday I thought it was Wednesday.

Today my mom left for London to meet my dad after he flies out from Delhi. We have altered our travel plans for Christmas - instead of them coming to Dallas and staying with us, we are going to Phoenix to stay with them. Originally we could not do this because of the NFL regular season. But now I am sans job and have a little bit more freedom.

And am looking for a job.

I have wondered what it would feel like to lose my father or mother. I just assumed it would be catastrophic and would always leave it at that. Now I can agree with that assessment. I don’t know if you are ever really ready to lose a loved one…I know that I am not ready to lose anybody that I love. I feel that right now the sense of loss would overwhelm me. Loss and the feeling that I screwed up and didn’t do enough - there are too many things I want to say to my dad and too many things I want to do with him. I’m not ready yet.

In the spring of this year my grandmother, my father’s mother, died of a stroke in the middle of the night. My dad called me on the phone while I was on my way to work. I was listening to ‘Muzzle of Bees’ off of Wilco’s A Ghost is Born.

Every Christmas Grandma would write us a check. Ever since Heather became my fiancee she got a check too. She was just another grandkid. This last Christmas I didn’t even call to say thank you. She died and I never got to talk to her again. The other grandkids grew up and lived near her and Grandpa, in Virginia Beach. We moved around a lot, and only saw them at Christmas. Then I took this job which wiped out Christmas, and then Grandpa disagreed over doctrine with my dad because my dad had started preaching at a christian church instead of the church of christ. He uninvited my Mom, Dad, and brother for Christmas that year.

I have a much better relationship with my father than he does with his father. When my Grandapa dies, I will feel like I didn’t know him very well. I don’t know if he and my dad will be on speaking terms.

My first job was working for Tokyo Express, which was a fast food Japanese restaurant. A week after putting in my two weeks notice after a couple years working there I got in a verbal fight one night at closing time with this stupid obnoxious girl. I left with her threatening to physically fight me. The next day I came in to work early to talk to my boss, Steve. Steve informed me that he had “already fired my ass” the night before upon hearing of what I did.

When I came home and my dad saw me in the dumps he promptly took me and Joe to see the re-release of ‘The Empire Strikes Back’.

My dad is honest and ready to admit when he is wrong. When he dies I will feel like I knew him, but not as well as I would have liked to. I’m just not ready.